Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
