I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
