So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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