And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
