Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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