Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
