I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
