Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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