they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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