Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
