Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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