Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
