I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
