My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
