guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
