dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
