Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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