So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
