yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think my moral compass just broke
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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