The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
