i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
