Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
There was a lot of him and a little penis
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
