worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
