I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
