Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
