If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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