Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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