Don't you send me to vm
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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