so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
