oh god the rape fog is back!
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Drake has all the answers
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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