that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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