My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
