The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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