just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
there is glitter all over my balls
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