i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
