he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
