I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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