when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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