if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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