i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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