she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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