If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
