I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
