Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
