i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
