the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
