The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
