So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
