I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
