you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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