I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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