well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
