Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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