I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
