Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
