Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
