If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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