dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
